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Excerpts from Summer 1959 Edition

Me Agile ?

Randall Gant ran the longboney fingers of his left hand through his dark brown hair as he slowly propelled his tall, slim body toward the school gymnasium. Ahead of Gant was the powerfully built Joe Provo, one of the "agile" members of Randall's physical education class.

A few minutes later Randall ambled into the gym and gazed at the wild-looking gymnastic apparatus,obviously designed by lunatics.

First Gant wandered over to the mats, where the aims consisted of kips, flips, blips, dips, angels, devil dives, neck springs, mountain springs, and artesian wells.

Then Randall ambled over to the horse which looked like an oversized loaf of bread mounted on legs. On this contraption, the students were required to execute squat vaults, ride vaults, bank vaults, and pole vaults.

Next, Randall Gant strode over to the parallel bars which seemed to be fourteen yards above the ground. There he and the other fledgling orangoutangs were expected to perform front dismounts, rear dismounts pony dismounts, forward rolls, and jelly rolls.

After this experience our hero bounded to the high bar. On this he was told to perform a Tarzan swing, an ape-man swing, and a Jungle Jim swing — there is a difference, mind you — a hip pullover, a sweater pull-over, a hip half-circle, a hip fracture, and finally, a flying double-reverse twisting spine smasher.

An hour after he had entered the gymnasium, Randall Gant made his exit. On his forehead was a large, red lump. His left arm hung slack at his side. He walked with a pronounced limp. Joe Provo walked up to Randall and slapped him on the back.

"Did you have some trouble last period, huh?" Joe asked.

Gant tried to turn his head to look straight at Provo, but he was prevented from doing so by his stiff neck. Therefore, he shrugged his shoulders and replied, "What, me agile? Guess not," and started to laugh. His aching ribs curtailed this mirth.